When I tell people about these absurdities, they look at me like, “Whaaaat?” I stare straight back at them and say, “True dat.” When I told my son about me not being able to set foot on a particular school district’s property, he was incredulous.

“What the heck did you do?” he asked.

“My job,” I said.

“Why did you get banned from the school district?”

“Because I caught them doing exactly what they weren’t supposed to do. I did my job and I did it well.”

“What were you looking for?”

“Cheating on the SAT.”

One of my MSC’s (mystery shopping companies) also conducts audits. One of these audits was to determine if schools are adhering to statewide protocol regarding the safeguarding of SAT tests before the test date. My job, and I chose to accept it, was to visit a school and look for clues as to whether all the safeguards were being enforced. Viewing the questions in that year’s SAT could put schools at a distinct advantage if they taught to the questions.

The first step was to download all the paperwork, including the Letter of Authorization, to take with me to the location. Once there, I was to present myself to the guard and ask to speak to a certain person who could give me access to the areas to be inspected.

On this particular day, I arrived at the school with all my paperwork and stopped at the guard desk just inside the entrance.

“Can I help you, Ma’am?” the guard wore a uniform and a name tag.

“Yes, Mr. White,” I said, looking directly at his name tag. The mini recorder under my blouse was capturing the details for me. “I’m here to see Ms. Fuller.”

“Is she expecting you?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Just a minute.” He picked up the phone and punched in a number. “Is Ms. Fuller in today?” He paused. “OK, there’s someone here to see her.” He paused again then made eye contact. “Your name, Ma’am?”

I gave it to him and told him I was with XYZ company for an audit. He repeated the info and hung up the phone.

“Someone will be right out. Would you mind signing in?” I signed in with my name and phone number and he led me to a private room to wait. After about 10 minutes, a male approached me and extended his hand.

“Secret Agent Mom?” (he actually used my real name)

“Yes,” I replied.

“I’m Mr. So-and-so, the vice principal.” I told him what I needed to see and he led me directly to the room where the booklets were being stored. He chit-chatted along the way, saying Ms. Fuller had called in sick that day. The day was about to get worse for Ms. Fuller and even worse for the vice principal.

The guidelines are very strict and very specific. SAT booklets must be kept under lock and key in sealed and signed boxes until the moment before testing begins. The VP unlocked the door and I nearly let out a gasp. The booklets were spread out all over the table in stacks. The box had been opened and left in the room unsealed.

“May I take a few photos of the room?” I asked. The VP agreed and I captured the incriminating evidence. I smiled and thanked him and he walked me back to the front lobby. No one ever asked for my ID. No one ever asked for my Letter of Authorization.

Within minutes of leaving the school, I got a call from the school police.

“Did you just enter a secure location of the school without proper authority?” he demanded.

My heart skipped a beat and I pulled into a nearby parking lot. “No, I have authority.”

“What kind of authority?” His voice was accusatory.

“I have a letter of authorization from the company that hired me to conduct the audit.” I knew I was in the clear.

“Why didn’t you show your LOA?”

“Because no one asked me for it.” I nearly spat the words. That’s the first thing they are supposed to do: verify that I was who I said I was and that I have authority to see the things I was wanting to see. They had messed up from the get-go.

“Do you have the letter on you now? Can you text it to this number?” OK, now someone was asking. I took a photo and sent it to the officer. “We’ll be in touch.”

Within two days of submitting my report, I received a certified letter stating that I was being summoned for a meeting with the district superintendent. I walked into a room of nine people, all claiming that I had done something illegal. Ms. Fuller was shooting me daggers. After presenting my credentials, the superintendent said that, since I did not present my Letter of Authorization when the guard asked for it, (which he did not) I had illegally entered a secure area of the school and I was now considered a safety threat to the children. They banned me from setting foot anywhere on the district’s property, including all six schools in the district.

With tears in my eyes, I said that their ruling was completely uncalled for and that I had an audio recording of the entire interaction. I said that I did not present a threat to children and that I had nieces and nephews in the district and I occasionally watched their sporting events. I offered to replay the recording and they declined to hear it. They asked me to step out of the room and, after a few tense minutes, called me back in to tell me that I was banned from the school grounds but not from all the schools in the district. I still felt kicked in the face. And all this for a $25 shopper fee.

“What did your company say?” my son asked.

“They said they’d ‘look into it.’ The problem is that the client is not the school or even the district, it’s the state’s board of education. And you know what that means.”

“Ugh. Forget it. Government red tape.” I never heard another word about it from the company.

A few days later, I got another letter stating that should I ever step foot on school grounds again, I would be arrested. The following year, the news reported that the school was under scrutiny for cheating on the SAT.