Most mystery shops are pretty run-of-the-mill: pizza joints, chain restaurants, convenience stores, bars. But every now and then, one comes across my desk that makes my jaw hit the floor.

“You want me to shop what??” Yeah, even those places hire mystery shoppers. I’ll start with some of the more tame ones.

Banks: Pose as someone with more than a million dollars to invest. Meet with the investment banker and see if they make any personal recommendations (a no-no).

I’ve done these across the US. I’ve driven to neighboring states and even flown to Minnesota to pose as someone who just inherited a big sum and is clueless about investing. I asked my scheduler how I could pose as someone with a lot of money driving a Kia rental car.

“People with lots of money often don’t want to show it,” she said. “My uncle is a millionaire and he wears the same sneakers until his toes show through the holes.” OK. So I don’t have to get my nails done. It just seems weird that I would randomly call up a bank where I don’t even have an account and ask a stranger what to do with a million bucks. Just sayin’.

Casinos: I actually really like these because I enjoy gambling with other people’s money. Unfortunately, they usually don’t let you keep the winnings but they do put you up for the night and pay for your food (and drinks are usually free!)

They want you to see if the waitress comes around every 30 minutes, if she mentions any promos going on at the casino and if she thanks you for your dollar tip. Does the slot attendant answer your Service light within 10 minutes? Do they wish you good luck? How about the blackjack dealers? Do they greet you with a smile, and call over the pit boss when you change $100? These shops have lots of detail and you really can’t drink and get all the info they want you to get, so yeah, there’s that.

Cannabis shops: I only do these because the shop is on my way to visit my family and it’s just out of the way enough to get bonused pretty heavily towards the end of the month. I can’t stand the stuff.

The client is interested in seeing how well the budtender leads the shop. Do they ask what you are looking for? Do they show you a number of different items and ask what kind of effect you are looking for? Do they offer you a discount? And how do they answer these weird questions: How much money do people typically spend? How many sales do you make in a day? Can I get a pizza and a beer to go with that? (well, not actually that last question, but I don’t think they’d blink if I asked it!) And yes, they pay for the product they want me to buy. Hit me up if you like gummies.

Strip clubs: Yes, you read that right. This could be the weirdest shop I’ve ever been offered. There are clients who hire mystery shoppers to visit these entertainment venues. I can’t really tell you what the client looks for since I’ve never actually done one, but I do know that the guidelines require you to get at least one lap dance. Just no. I can’t imagine it gets much weirder than this. But it does get worse. That’s coming up in my next post.